#1 Fred

There was a knock at the front door. It was soft, not like the heavy fist pounds I had gotten the past few times someone had come over. I answered the door in my t-shirt and boxers.

"Well, aren't you a tall drink of water." Fred was short and stout. He had on a pair of light tan pants, a cream paisley shirt, shiny tan shoes, and an orange ascot. He had a thick straight mustache above his lip that he ran his finger across while he looked me up and down. This man had a wife? 

"Listen, I uh, fell asleep in wet clothes and I don't have any pants or shoes until the dryer is done. Would you like to come in for uh, tea or something?" Fred made me uncomfortable.

"Why, of course, darlin, I'd like nothing else." he held out his hand like he was a young southern belle getting help out of the car. I turned around and went into the kitchen. He looked around, amused, and stepped inside.

"I had some iced tea if you would like that." I pulled two glasses from the cupboard and an ice cube tray from the freezer.

"What kind ya got?" he was smirking at me.

"I made some mint tea yesterday, is that alright?" I avoided his eyes and gestured for him to sit at the table.

"anything cold sounds just fine to me." he had a thick southern accent. I hated southern accents. He also didn't sound like a man. He had too much excitement in his voice. I hated this day.

"So, uh, does your wife know anything about records?" I Looked him right in the eye then.

"well, sure! She runs the radio show at her college for fun and she also works part-time for Uncle Bradley down in Louisiana. She has quite a number of years experience under her belt. We are hoping Mr. Bradley left us at least one of his shops to us. Aunty knows nothin about running a shop, and well, let's face it-" I cut him off.

"She's a fucking bitch."

"Well, yeah," he smiled real big, "She's also a money grubbing whore."

I raised my eyebrows and handed him a glass if mint tea.

"Thank you, dear." he watched me while he drank.

"yep, uh, I'm gonna go check on my pants." I just needed to get away for a minute.

"Oh, sure, take your time, son." he smiled and chewed on an ice cube, "The more time you take, the less time I have to spend with that heifer." he said under his breath as I took the stairs to the basement.

I popped open the dryer, checking the pants. They were dry, so I pulled them on tucking my junk and drawers into the pants. I didn't want Fred to ever have a chance at seeing anything if I'd be trying on pants in front of him. My shoes were still wet, but I grabbed socks and put them on anyways. I figured it was a sunny enough day, they'd dry. When I got back upstairs Fred wasn't in the kitchen. I really hoped he didn't wander up to my bedroom. 

"Fred?" I called searching the rooms. There was no reply. I opened the front door and checked the car. I went back in and called upstairs, "Fred? Ya up there?" There was no reply. I went up to check. I looked in the hallway bathroom, guest room, my room, master bath, no Fred. Where the fuck did he go? I glanced out the window, a little out of breath from panicking. I spotted him out in the garden under the peach tree. He was picking a piece if fruit from the tree and smelling it. I felt a little embarrassed that he was out there since I hadn't weeded or picked anything for two days now. I made my way outside to let him know I was ready.

"Hey, sorry about the mess out here." I called while he was eating a peach.

"Oh, come now, this yard is quite lovely." he was dripping juice from his chin and wiping with a kitchen towel he must have grabbed from the drawer by the sink.

"Thanks, Fred." 

"Looks like you have more vegetables than you can eat yourself out here." I figured he was hinting I should offer.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so. If it wasn't for the past few days feeling so off I'd probably picked some things I suppose."

"hmm. Well, looks like you found your pants, shall we go?" he was still biting into the peach.

"Sure." I went through the house but told him to walk between the garage because I needed to have a final second without him before it turned into him spending all his time talking about Mr. Bradley. Or about how he was straight. I didn't want to talk of anything in between either. I shut the car door and Fred grinned at me showing all his teeth. He had the car started, so as soon as I clicked the seatbelt we left. I watched the town go by fast out the window.