The drive went fast. Carrie was on the phone with a man whom she felt connected with. They shared ideas on books and healthy lifestyle. They chatted about what they were working on in their own personal growth. Carrie felt as if she could be building an everlasting friendship and felt certain it was worth her time, no matter the distance. She lingered in the parking lot for far too long, flirting with the idea of him. Soon, she realized, it really was quite rude to show up ever so late to her boyfriend's house, no matter the reason but, especially, for another man. Her spirits were soaring as she toted her overnight bag into the breezy, cool night. Devon was waiting with candles lit all around. She barely noticed, as she plopped down her bag and kicked off her shoes into an uneven pile by the door. They talked of dinner plans and he offered to pick up take out while she took a shower, something they had discussed briefly earlier in the day. The mood had struck her to be aloof rather than appreciative unbeknownst to both of them. Carrie slipped into pajamas feeling quite good about herself and the attention she was getting from a friend so far away.
Devon was back just in time with dinner and they soon sat down to eat in front of the television. It was cozy and comfortable. In time, they began to talk and relax while Devon puffed on a blunt. He offered it to Carrie and she took it, not quite sure how it may make her feel. Usually, if she was very light with it, she would be fine and have fun. Before she realized it, she had taken several heavy drags and lost track of reality. She felt quite outside of herself. Devon excused himself to use the bathroom while Carrie began texting her faraway friend. She started saying rude things that she would come to regret, letting her ego and the weed take her mind to a far off place that didn't truly exist. She stared off into space barely hearing what Devon was saying. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend when she snapped back to the present. The words he formed twisted in her mind and she began to feel quite upset. He spoke as if he had no romantic feelings at all for his ex-lover. How could Devon love her if he never loved in his past? It seemed like time had begun to pass slowly but, it skipped when her mind went elsewhere. She lost track of the conversation and before she knew it, she was staring at his lips. Devon was leaning in to kiss her and she wasn't sure how she gave any signals she was interested. Carrie reciprocated but kept losing track of time. They were in his bed, in the dark. He was on top of her, inside of her as his cheek brushed hers. He was more rough than usual, taking a cue she had mentioned days before. At this particular moment, she lost touch with reality. Devon and Carrie kissed passionately and often, especially during intercourse. This was different and it made her mind do a backflip. There wasn't any affection and she began to feel very hurt by his choice in style.
She was in her bed, at home. Her ex-boyfriend was inside of her. He never wanted to kiss, not really. Not passionately. He would usually touch her breasts or have his fingers inside of her before he attempted any kissing. If he did, he would be breathing heavy in her face, his head would turn the wrong way, and he would dart his tongue in her mouth, in an uncomfortable way. Carrie started to panic. Her heart was racing from the effects of the marijuana already but, the stress of the memory from her solemn sexual duty in her past sent her heart into overdrive. She let out a small sound of distress that Devon took for possible pleasure so he sank deeper into his thrusting, causing more alarm. Carrie realized her arm was above her head, under a pillow and the other was at his right hip, she was trying to make him cum, to get it to stop. If she laid there he would eventually stop. She just had to wait it out. Then she could go to sleep and forget all about it. Devon kissed her neck gently and his hand slipped into hers as he kept going, assuming she was getting pleasure, not pain. Carrie returned to her body, she was back in Devon's bed, he was inside of her. She let out a breath she was unaware of holding in. Her hips moved with him as she put her fingers around his. She looked up at his kind eyes as he reached his own climax. Unsure of how to feel, she lay almost still, while Devon was cleaning up and covering her with blankets. He put an arm around her and fell asleep quite fast. His steady breathing cool while it tingled her neck in goosebumps. She began to shake. He rolled over, not noticing her body quivering in fear. For hours she stared straight ahead, not seeing anything in particular. She kept going over the memory again and again in her head. Her ex-boyfriend had caused her to close off large portions of herself, including intimacy. She hadn't realized the extent until that moment. She remembered what it was like to have an affinity with a lover. She couldn't remember when she had lost herself, exactly. She also didn't know that she would find herself this evening, so confused and convulsing. Devon had unknowingly rattled something that was loose. Her glass house was shattered and she didn't know when it had occurred but, she felt the sharp edges cut her deeply now.
Carrie got out of bed, got her pajamas from the floor, picked up her phone from the coffee table, and locked herself in Devon's bathroom. She sat on the floor feeling the soft rug and the cool tile under her feet. She closed her eyes tight, shielding herself from the bright yellow bathroom light as well as her echo of a past life. Her fingertips were pressed into the roots of her hair as she breathed deep to stop the nauseous feeling inside of her. She would not repeat herself. She could not go back. She felt like there was something she was missing from the evening. She couldn't quite grasp it. Her friend responded to her distressed messages. She was surprised given the late hour. It was the middle of the night. Devon continued to dream, unaware she had even left the bed. She texted her friend speaking of the details she had endured as well as the reminiscence. Carrie began to feel agitated again. She felt as though either her far away friend or Devon was not right for her but she had trouble understanding which man it could be. Devon was kind and gentle so why did he act so rough tonight? Why did she feel like Devon was her ex-boyfriend, who had caused the initial trauma? Was she repeating her past mistakes? Was Devon really any different than him? They did have a lot of similarities and she couldn't help feeling shaken. She wanted to leave immediately. Her fingers ran through her hair again as her tongue tasted metallic. She took another deep inhale and rationalized her situation. If she left, would it make this feeling go away?
Carrie crept back into the dark bedroom of her boyfriend, waking him when she tucked herself into his bed. Sleepily, he put his arm around her belly and kissed her on the forehead. Devon was quite content, the events in her head were silent. Carrie pressed her eyelids together, trying to remember where she was and whom she was with. She picked out the sensation of his warm arm, surprisingly light, on her stomach. Her mind started to wander to a dark place but, she focused on the smell of his laundry detergent, prevalent on his pillow. Her heart was still racing as she counted her lung capacity and emptying. The air conditioner was running, blowing frigid air into the large room. Carrie focused on every detail of Devon's bedroom until she began to fall into a light sleep. Not sure if she should recant or recall her nightmare to Devon in the morning, she rolled over and let sleep overwhelm her instead.
Devon was back just in time with dinner and they soon sat down to eat in front of the television. It was cozy and comfortable. In time, they began to talk and relax while Devon puffed on a blunt. He offered it to Carrie and she took it, not quite sure how it may make her feel. Usually, if she was very light with it, she would be fine and have fun. Before she realized it, she had taken several heavy drags and lost track of reality. She felt quite outside of herself. Devon excused himself to use the bathroom while Carrie began texting her faraway friend. She started saying rude things that she would come to regret, letting her ego and the weed take her mind to a far off place that didn't truly exist. She stared off into space barely hearing what Devon was saying. He was talking about his ex-girlfriend when she snapped back to the present. The words he formed twisted in her mind and she began to feel quite upset. He spoke as if he had no romantic feelings at all for his ex-lover. How could Devon love her if he never loved in his past? It seemed like time had begun to pass slowly but, it skipped when her mind went elsewhere. She lost track of the conversation and before she knew it, she was staring at his lips. Devon was leaning in to kiss her and she wasn't sure how she gave any signals she was interested. Carrie reciprocated but kept losing track of time. They were in his bed, in the dark. He was on top of her, inside of her as his cheek brushed hers. He was more rough than usual, taking a cue she had mentioned days before. At this particular moment, she lost touch with reality. Devon and Carrie kissed passionately and often, especially during intercourse. This was different and it made her mind do a backflip. There wasn't any affection and she began to feel very hurt by his choice in style.
She was in her bed, at home. Her ex-boyfriend was inside of her. He never wanted to kiss, not really. Not passionately. He would usually touch her breasts or have his fingers inside of her before he attempted any kissing. If he did, he would be breathing heavy in her face, his head would turn the wrong way, and he would dart his tongue in her mouth, in an uncomfortable way. Carrie started to panic. Her heart was racing from the effects of the marijuana already but, the stress of the memory from her solemn sexual duty in her past sent her heart into overdrive. She let out a small sound of distress that Devon took for possible pleasure so he sank deeper into his thrusting, causing more alarm. Carrie realized her arm was above her head, under a pillow and the other was at his right hip, she was trying to make him cum, to get it to stop. If she laid there he would eventually stop. She just had to wait it out. Then she could go to sleep and forget all about it. Devon kissed her neck gently and his hand slipped into hers as he kept going, assuming she was getting pleasure, not pain. Carrie returned to her body, she was back in Devon's bed, he was inside of her. She let out a breath she was unaware of holding in. Her hips moved with him as she put her fingers around his. She looked up at his kind eyes as he reached his own climax. Unsure of how to feel, she lay almost still, while Devon was cleaning up and covering her with blankets. He put an arm around her and fell asleep quite fast. His steady breathing cool while it tingled her neck in goosebumps. She began to shake. He rolled over, not noticing her body quivering in fear. For hours she stared straight ahead, not seeing anything in particular. She kept going over the memory again and again in her head. Her ex-boyfriend had caused her to close off large portions of herself, including intimacy. She hadn't realized the extent until that moment. She remembered what it was like to have an affinity with a lover. She couldn't remember when she had lost herself, exactly. She also didn't know that she would find herself this evening, so confused and convulsing. Devon had unknowingly rattled something that was loose. Her glass house was shattered and she didn't know when it had occurred but, she felt the sharp edges cut her deeply now.
Carrie got out of bed, got her pajamas from the floor, picked up her phone from the coffee table, and locked herself in Devon's bathroom. She sat on the floor feeling the soft rug and the cool tile under her feet. She closed her eyes tight, shielding herself from the bright yellow bathroom light as well as her echo of a past life. Her fingertips were pressed into the roots of her hair as she breathed deep to stop the nauseous feeling inside of her. She would not repeat herself. She could not go back. She felt like there was something she was missing from the evening. She couldn't quite grasp it. Her friend responded to her distressed messages. She was surprised given the late hour. It was the middle of the night. Devon continued to dream, unaware she had even left the bed. She texted her friend speaking of the details she had endured as well as the reminiscence. Carrie began to feel agitated again. She felt as though either her far away friend or Devon was not right for her but she had trouble understanding which man it could be. Devon was kind and gentle so why did he act so rough tonight? Why did she feel like Devon was her ex-boyfriend, who had caused the initial trauma? Was she repeating her past mistakes? Was Devon really any different than him? They did have a lot of similarities and she couldn't help feeling shaken. She wanted to leave immediately. Her fingers ran through her hair again as her tongue tasted metallic. She took another deep inhale and rationalized her situation. If she left, would it make this feeling go away?
Carrie crept back into the dark bedroom of her boyfriend, waking him when she tucked herself into his bed. Sleepily, he put his arm around her belly and kissed her on the forehead. Devon was quite content, the events in her head were silent. Carrie pressed her eyelids together, trying to remember where she was and whom she was with. She picked out the sensation of his warm arm, surprisingly light, on her stomach. Her mind started to wander to a dark place but, she focused on the smell of his laundry detergent, prevalent on his pillow. Her heart was still racing as she counted her lung capacity and emptying. The air conditioner was running, blowing frigid air into the large room. Carrie focused on every detail of Devon's bedroom until she began to fall into a light sleep. Not sure if she should recant or recall her nightmare to Devon in the morning, she rolled over and let sleep overwhelm her instead.
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