Enough

You are perfect the way you are and it didn't take me long to recognize that. I think other people, including yourself haven't reached the same conclusion. Either not as fast or not at all. It doesn't devalue you though. I see who you are and I adore you for it. I think you give as much as you can when you can. My insecurities in being alone doesn't devalue that either. I am hopelessly devoted to being there for you and focusing on fixing myself. Don't misinterpret any of these writing pieces. I casually spill my thoughts about many different people and situations. Some in the past, some current, some hopes or fears for the future. The part that pertains to you isn't what you perceive it to be always. Sometimes, you are right. Sometimes, you are wrong. But, can I assure you, please? You are enough. You are the right amount. You are perfect, right now. Space and time will not change that for me and I was given the opportunity to have that proven to me. I've dated some INFJs in the past. One of them in particular sticks out in my mind. We adored each other and it didn't work out and it was really hard being in high school and not being able to understand the complexity of the connection. As an adult, looking back on that particular relationship, I get it. I see what happened and why. The interesting part to note is that it was true love and that never goes away. I don't just love and leave and never feel again. I love deeply and hard and it's there for life. You are already in my heart. No matter if we remain friends or not. It's not entirely romantic, yet, but, as a friend, I do love you. I absolutely adore you. I'm afraid to allow myself to dive in deeper than that but, it's not because of you. It's because of my own hurt feelings from my own past. It will take time and patience. I realized that deep down, I still love my ex-boyfriends. We hugged and comforted each other in a way that only a true love can have happen. It wasn't romantic. It didn't go beyond that. It could have. But, I am loyal to another friend. I would never do something that would hurt you. I know the inner turmoil of not knowing what the right thing to do is all the time. Ultimately, I made the right choice. I am choosing to be in this weird undefined thing that is friendship but so much more but not quite enough to be more, with YOU. No one else. I may go out to dinner or talk about books or text for hours or watch tv and cradle other people but, that is all it is for me. It's not more. I'm not reaching out for more from them. I could if I wanted. I would get it. But, I don't want it. I want you. I told you on my birthday. I have dudes constantly trying to date me. I don't want them. I want you. You can choose to do whatever you want with that information. That isn't on me.