Sometimes love is slow. You lose patience and willpower. It comes in spurts and you can't let it in fast enough. Sometimes love pours into your soul fast and all at once. You can't stop it and you want more and more. Love can be lonely. It can be greedy. Love can be felt in strangers. Love can be felt in past relationships. You can find it in simple and complicated. You can find love in friends. You can find it anywhere and you never really know where it will come from or why. It just comes at you. It hits you and you smile and you think, I love you. And other times you can think it but, it just doesn't feel the same. Love is hard. Love is soft. Love is anything and everything. Everyone feels it differently and with different people and sometimes it happens at the same time and it's wonderful. You can open up and feel an open heart in return. Sometimes, hearts are broken. Sometimes they are lonely. Sometimes they search for love where it'll never be. Sometimes they find it where they don't expect it. To me, when you make a deep connection with me, that will never go away. It is a door that I close softly, for a time. I may see something that reminds me of him or him or her or him. I will remember that friend, that relationship, and I will feel that love again. If only briefly. If only fleeting. I replay the emotion and it's like a cloak, wrapping me in the feeling I had when I made it a memory.
Everything I ever knew about love has been reworked time and time again. I still feel like a child, not able to fully grasp what it is I am supposed to do with all this love. I'm a healer and I want to help. I want to cradle you and help you forget what made you feel lonely or sad or hurt. It's funny how time doesn't change that for me. I still see your sad, sea green eyes and I want to run my hands through your smooth chestnut hair and hug you until you feel better. But, I can't. Can I? I don't know anything anymore, it's a tragedy and a comedy rolled into one. But, I felt love in a conversation with a friend about space dust and cells and science and gut feelings. I felt returned love when I said, "there's always a place for you in my heart." I return time and time again. I don't know what I want and I can't tell what my place is right now. I want to give out all my love and I want to make everyone feel better. It's like we never left. You had a damn shovel with you and you pulled it out so casually, like it was a part of you. I let you scoop some dirt off of this buried heart. I let you hold it, for awhile. You wouldn't do it any harm. But, I didn't leave it with you. It's not yours to keep. I'm sorry. It's mine.
Love feels like an hourglass that is always running out. Until you realize you have the power to stop it occasionally. To savor it. If I fall, I'll fall hard. And it will break me again. I've been broken too many times to just let that happen fast. If I'm going to fall hard, then it will take a long time to hit. But, sometimes, it just doesn't happen like that. Sometimes, it's just there, where you least expect it. Waiting to catch a ride with you.
Everything I ever knew about love has been reworked time and time again. I still feel like a child, not able to fully grasp what it is I am supposed to do with all this love. I'm a healer and I want to help. I want to cradle you and help you forget what made you feel lonely or sad or hurt. It's funny how time doesn't change that for me. I still see your sad, sea green eyes and I want to run my hands through your smooth chestnut hair and hug you until you feel better. But, I can't. Can I? I don't know anything anymore, it's a tragedy and a comedy rolled into one. But, I felt love in a conversation with a friend about space dust and cells and science and gut feelings. I felt returned love when I said, "there's always a place for you in my heart." I return time and time again. I don't know what I want and I can't tell what my place is right now. I want to give out all my love and I want to make everyone feel better. It's like we never left. You had a damn shovel with you and you pulled it out so casually, like it was a part of you. I let you scoop some dirt off of this buried heart. I let you hold it, for awhile. You wouldn't do it any harm. But, I didn't leave it with you. It's not yours to keep. I'm sorry. It's mine.
Love feels like an hourglass that is always running out. Until you realize you have the power to stop it occasionally. To savor it. If I fall, I'll fall hard. And it will break me again. I've been broken too many times to just let that happen fast. If I'm going to fall hard, then it will take a long time to hit. But, sometimes, it just doesn't happen like that. Sometimes, it's just there, where you least expect it. Waiting to catch a ride with you.
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