There isn't anything in my way but myself. I wonder if I can help that or if I will forever accidentally trip over my own shortcomings. I feel as though it has taken a long time to get here and now that I am here, I get slower and hesitate. I feel as though I have been running for a long time and now I have stopped. Maybe, not entirely, but much slower than I ever have before. I used to make a decision without thinking or miss the opportunity entirely. Now, I can see them come up and I accept them with open arms. I may be skeptical or inquisitive, but I do not deny the opportunity. There are so many paths inside of myself that were blocked off by myself or others. I feel like most of them are running. At first, it was hard to unblock them but now I feel like the unblocked pathways find each other. Like a stream that is searching for the river, the river to the ocean. There is a deeper seeded pathway to get to and I am clearing the smaller lines to prepare for the giant plunge. The frustrating part is to watch a path get reblocked. I feel like it kills me a little to mess up or see something I worked hard at get blocked again. It tends to be easier to unblock it, if you think about it in that way. I have already done this. It should be easy. I, too, forget that my path isn't all my own. I used to wander over to other people's paths and dictate. Now, I see that there is no way to do that without causing my own blockages. I need to fix my paths and others see that and do it for themselves. It is a game of inner strength, not outward charge. I get frustrated with my own softness and that too needs to be nurtured instead. I am a sensitive person and my feelings are deep. I cannot walk around as if no one is hurting me then be upset because they don't see it. As much as I need to be strong and not let other people hurt me, I need to be okay that they may. I need to remember that being hurt is a weapon not a curse. The choice is always whether to wield it and for that, I cannot participate.
Comments
Post a Comment