What I had were feelings. Feelings that came from a place of fear. Some were from other places. But, the ones that created the chaos before the change- those were fear. I am still afraid but it's not the same. It doesn't take over. I practice finding the source more and more. This is going to pass. I wasn't feeling the nudges so I got a push. A lot of pushes. All at once. I still get them, but it's different now. They come and I just let them go. I keep trying my best and have faith that it will all work out. I take opportunities and I am honest. The timing is always perfect for knots that unhook themselves. Like a soft silky ribbon, they untangle themselves, as long as I have faith and time. Time is relative and I'm productive; time is generally felt faster to me than it ever has before. The parts that hurt are less. Sometimes, they make time slow down. I can feel the second hand vibrating my eardrums. I read the clock and it registers. The numbers choose to have meanings. The time has been cyclical, waiting for me to leave the pattern. When I do, I feel it. Something shifts and I feel the point in my timeline. I feel it deep down. This moment has been placed somewhere. A message from another time, perhaps. Maybe from someone more wise, pointing to the path. Reminding me where I am and where I need to be. Reassuring me in those moments, that it's okay to be slow sometimes, too. I keep making time. I make time for myself. For my brain. For my body. For my spirit. For my soul. I feel like everything will be okay. I don't just say it or think it. I know it to be true. Everything will be okay. I know it will because I feel whole. I feel full of light. There is no shortage of it. We are one and a part of the whole and because of that, our light is the same. Deep down we are all just wandering souls searching for their light. The light in ourselves. The light in others. Some search forever, some a short time. I don't need to wait. It isn't the same as waiting. It's letting go of the expectations and having faith in the universe that things will happen how and when they need to. The beacon that guides you home is lit. I don't stay in one place. I need to move, so I do. I am paving my path. This is how I will learn and grow and move forward. I have trust that it will all be how it should when I get there. I'm not alone and I'm whole. There's nothing that can stop how I feel. The light can't be darkened. It's steady and solid. I'm not waiting. I'm not worried. I believe it does matter. Time as a feeling is a construct. But, time itself is infinite. A unit to measure with a universal language. A calculation. It's always true. It moves, so I do. Each moment in time, each second felt, creates a series of movements. Tiny reflections that ripple out. Aligning a path that I walk as it appears. Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow. I take steps and I am always there, on the path that helps you find your way home. I am not waiting. I am creating the path. The one where you will find me.
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