I casually looked around me last week and felt everything appearing around me was a swamp. The misty rain was offensive. Today, I glanced up into the vast nothing of grey sky. I thought, this feels like snow. I can always feel when it's going to snow. It's not cold enough, so it rains. My eyes opened this morning, focusing quickly in the dim light of morning, the last images of my dreams fading in the background, still alive in my imagination. I saw large clumps of perfect snow falling heavily. Mimicking my despair of love closing it's door on me. The days when it snows, I feel calm and collected. The earth responds to the noise of humans gracefully, absorbing the chaos into a blanket of white, fluffy pillows that melt easily under warm skin. The clouds aren't there, just a blanket of grey mist, covering the atmosphere. The sun rise is reflected heavily into a general pink area of the horizon. I feel like I'm somewhere else. In a small bubble. I can see, but there is no sun here. An island far away. I moved away in my mind and my body still touches the ground, barely. I feel as if my heart pulls me forward, lifting my heels away from the earth. I hang my body heavy, my toes drag on the pavement, but I am light. I am pulled here. I feel it deep down. This is an in between. A purgatory. Some sort of test to see how much I have learned, what I can apply to my life now. All the lessons I've learned have all washed away from the sphere surrounding me. There is a metaphorical wall around this place. Where the challenges just turn to mist and float up into space. I am no longer cold. I don't feel the icy embrace of hate. I wonder how many times I could have come here, but it does not matter. Not now. I was angry before. I pushed my way, with hate, to get here, to pass this point. I didn't make it long before crashing back down. It wasn't my truth. It was my facade, lasting only as long as I could hold up the ruse. It was years ago, but I still feel the sting of my own words, echoing back to me. Wondering how long I have been living with this thick knoll around me, hiding under the earth until blockages would pass. This is an entirely new place to be. Calm and collected, practiced with time.
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