Soaring towards heights obtained only in the highest qualities of roller coasters, the car crept up the bridge. I saw it from afar and I let it curl my lips into a smile. There is comfort in seeing the word up on a billboard. The image of a heart, so brazen and colorful. I had taken the meaning before I could grasp if it was truth or the wishes of a hardened heart. I saw the alignment of stripes, horizontal. The letters were clear. I wondered to myself, between the extended thoughts of both children in the back seat, is it spelled the same way? It didn't much matter because my heart sank, as it wants to do. I felt the dip into my chest, deep into my soul before the top of the hill was reached. I grinned only for a moment, in acknowledgment, before sadness hit my stomach with the weight of your entire body. Your name, up in the sky, with a heart. I cried internally. I am glad I wasn't alone this time. I had so much love around me; to endure the pain with them. My heart returned to normal, as it wants to do. I think about how I had unfriended you. In selfishness, jealousy, I do not know which was more prevalent. Perhaps just to save my own heart from dropping every day when I heard no response from you. I shouldn't have clicked the tab. I should have just remained friends, but ignored the very few posts that cross your newsfeed. You drift like a ghost and it is almost like you don't exist entirely.
Almost...
But, somehow you remain. You linger here. My heart drops and I sink. My shoulders remain, my body is sustained, my chest feels tight and I feel as if the core of myself has turned to goo. I had patiently awaited my chrysalis encasing when we remet. I wonder at what point do I finish transitioning out of the case and into the butterfly I have become. I wonder, how long until my wings dry and I float into the breeze, never searching for you, because I understand you are always there waiting for me. Perhaps you never get there. Maybe, it's for a future time. Either way, I wait. I glide my feet along my wings and I allow my heart to sink to the depths of my soul.
To allow you.... to be.
Almost...
But, somehow you remain. You linger here. My heart drops and I sink. My shoulders remain, my body is sustained, my chest feels tight and I feel as if the core of myself has turned to goo. I had patiently awaited my chrysalis encasing when we remet. I wonder at what point do I finish transitioning out of the case and into the butterfly I have become. I wonder, how long until my wings dry and I float into the breeze, never searching for you, because I understand you are always there waiting for me. Perhaps you never get there. Maybe, it's for a future time. Either way, I wait. I glide my feet along my wings and I allow my heart to sink to the depths of my soul.
To allow you.... to be.
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