I was feeling cold. I wore my thick blue hoodie, the one that pulls over my head and I can wear a t-shirt under. I think I wore my Yes band shirt. I was hungry. I grabbed my wallet and phone, shoving them into the front pocket of the hoodie. I was excited and thinking about the lunch for the day. I keep an eye on the menu at work so I can try different things they have available. It's a fairly cheap lunch and I love saving money. I got on the elevator. There were a few people coming up from floors below. No one I recognized. An older woman smiled at me and I smiled back, warmly. She said to me, "Are you pregnant?" For a moment, I was just simply stunned. I had just toned a good five pounds on my body, which looks like ten since I am so short. I was practicing yoga almost everyday for the last month and a half. I was composing my puzzled face and sort of smirking at the same time. I was laughing the uncomfortable feeling away. Uh, no. I replied while pulling out my wallet from my hoodie pocket. She said, Oh. She looked away and was unapologetic. I wasn't defeated. I was astonished. While eating lunch, two separate friends texted me. One said that my body was perfect. The other said I was super skinny and should eat more. Neither knew what I had experienced. I didn't ask for them to comment on my body. But, yet, here I was. I was asked if I had another life inside of me the same day I was told I'm too thin. Neither was asked for nor called for. I appreciated the compliments, but were they necessary? No. I love my body either way.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling the effects of frequent yoga and meditation. I felt elated. I posted a lot of songs on my Facebook wall. I posted lots of pictures of my kids with heart and rainbow emojis. I commented on friend's posts, encouraging them to keep going and that they are loved. I felt really good. I was getting compliments from teachers and staff about Max's progress and the change in me they saw. They could see the happiness bubbling out of me. They could see I was finally healing from everything. I got a message in my inbox from someone I used to work with. She said, Your post honestly pissed me off. You are too negative. I took a deep breath and I responded politely. My friend called her a cunt when I sent him screen shots of the conversation. I defended her, she's just a concerned mom.
I was feeling good about myself. I decided to post a photo of my outfit for the day. I was going to meet someone I haven't seen in a long time for a drink. I was a bit excited to reconnect in person and see if there was any chemistry in person. I was ready for the unknown to be known. The scary feeling of knowing that I will be judged, but that I don't care because I'm not so easily thrown. Looks will fade. Said by a man who couldn't formulate a sentence without so many spelling errors that I had trouble understanding what he was saying. So I didn't respond. I got six other messages saying, Wow, you are so cute! and Beautiful.
I think the moral of my thoughts today is, if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything at all. Don't ever ask someone if they are pregnant unless you see that baby come out of them. And don't send people negative messages that simply could ruin someones pleasant day. Some things just don't need to be said.
A few weeks ago, I was feeling the effects of frequent yoga and meditation. I felt elated. I posted a lot of songs on my Facebook wall. I posted lots of pictures of my kids with heart and rainbow emojis. I commented on friend's posts, encouraging them to keep going and that they are loved. I felt really good. I was getting compliments from teachers and staff about Max's progress and the change in me they saw. They could see the happiness bubbling out of me. They could see I was finally healing from everything. I got a message in my inbox from someone I used to work with. She said, Your post honestly pissed me off. You are too negative. I took a deep breath and I responded politely. My friend called her a cunt when I sent him screen shots of the conversation. I defended her, she's just a concerned mom.
I was feeling good about myself. I decided to post a photo of my outfit for the day. I was going to meet someone I haven't seen in a long time for a drink. I was a bit excited to reconnect in person and see if there was any chemistry in person. I was ready for the unknown to be known. The scary feeling of knowing that I will be judged, but that I don't care because I'm not so easily thrown. Looks will fade. Said by a man who couldn't formulate a sentence without so many spelling errors that I had trouble understanding what he was saying. So I didn't respond. I got six other messages saying, Wow, you are so cute! and Beautiful.
I think the moral of my thoughts today is, if you have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything at all. Don't ever ask someone if they are pregnant unless you see that baby come out of them. And don't send people negative messages that simply could ruin someones pleasant day. Some things just don't need to be said.
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