I had just gotten really bad news. I was imagining a kitchen, my mother's kitchen. I was barely up to her hips. She was doing dishes and I was sad. The wood was stained dark brown and it was dim lighting. It felt like evening or nighttime. I just wanted to reach out and touch her. I felt very alone. I was back to reality. I needed to get to her. I was on top of a plateau. Everything was clay consistency. Brown, dried mud that was flat all around me. There were very round grey boulders, varying in size. Some bigger than me, some could fit in the palm of my hand. I had to crawl over them to get to the clearing. There I ran until I reached the edge. I looked up and the sky was going from grey to light blue, with stratus turning to cirrus. I looked over the edge of the cliff and saw figures below me. They had jumped and appeared to parachute down to safety. I followed. The grass beneath me was lime green. The space wasn't very large but a few people where there with pastel umbrellas.
I was back with my mother. I had reached her. I came in and she was keeping busy. She told me not to cry for her. She was fine. She would be okay. Everything would be okay. I slumped to my knees on the floor and began to cry. I cried more than I had ever before. I heard her words and it meant everything to me, but it didn't change the fact that she was going to die tomorrow. I cried more and more. She wouldn't turn around and look at me and I let out more.
I felt as though I was in another dimension. Another time, another person. Someplace far away. I was haunted by the words. I felt as if I had released energy that had been trapped inside. I felt the relief of knowing I hadn't actually been crying as well as the strange stage that follows a hysterical cry. When I feel empty, but hopeful and warm. When the bad is out and there's more room for the good. I felt as if I had just washed ashore and dried off. That a weight hadn't been lifted so much as I had gotten stronger. I was able to carry the weight all the way to the end where it could be let go.
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