It's like that. That time way back when. When my world was rattled. I put a leg over and before I knew it, I trusted him. I remembered what it felt like to lay there, warm and pink. Smiling from ear to ear. Not wanting to be awake. Life outside of that was meaningless. This is where all the thoughts go away. I woke up the next morning feeling like I wasn't sure if I should stay or go. I sort of shuffled and the arm around me wasn't letting go. It wasn't forceful, just subtle enough. I could fall into a depth that I wasn't sure I wanted to... It didn't matter. The choice was made for me. I'm older now. I'm an adult. A job is needed to maintain my life. I like my job too much to make frivolous decisions. I had considered it. Staying. Would he have called off?
Hot water ran down my face. My eyes hadn't been this itchy in a long time. I heard genuine surprise in his voice. Had he never been matched before? I have. I really liked feeling skin. Smooth and soft. I wasn't trying to go any further than the deck. I remembered stopping his hand twice. I sort through the feelings. Am I scared or turned on by his persistence? I forget what it was like to have someone understand what I want without saying so. Before I knew it, I was carried away.
There were words. There's usually words. I don't think you ever had words, though. Sometimes there's actions. You were all actions. I was surprised when the words found the actions. He was surprised. I heard it in his voice. He didn't think he was going to get what he asked for twice. The third time he understood. I don't need to explain myself. "Wait- really?" you have no idea. The more invested, the more he will find out. Not everyone even gets this far. Maybe it's an extroverted thing. I love to talk with introverts. They understand the need for space, solitude. For silence. They understand the desires that surround simplicity. Not him. He needed less space. Less. And less.
I didn't wear it on my face until I thought of it later. I took a sip of coffee and felt the burn behind my lip. I remember what it would feel like for days. How I wouldn't care. I wanted to just feel alive. He lit me up. Ignited a spark inside my soul. One that licked slow and full. I was always so tired. It took everything out of me to be the action. The desire. I realized a lot about myself. A part of me not many have seen. That few were able to enjoy. A sweet, little peach. A rough pit waiting to be discovered.
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