It was breezy. The boat was moving. It was fast enough to feel as though I was still. Time seemed to stop. I looked around at the deep blue, clear waters below me. I had made it all the way to the top. Why did I climb up here? Sometimes, I wonder if it was me at all. I look again, down, down, down. I am startled- I grab a pole that has a blue flag with a white "x" on it. It's wrapped around the silver pole and tucked neatly under my arm. I loosen my grip. I'm fine. I look down again. My vertigo wants to take over, but I peer below me without fear. I have a strong urge to jump. I imagine falling and hitting the edge of the ship. Maybe I would break an ankle. Maybe I would hit some screws and bleed. My legs and feet would trickle red until I hit the cold water, before it all washed away. It wouldn't matter once I hit the waters. I would have the wind knocked out of me this far up. I wouldn't be able to hold my breath that long. I would gasp and take a leap and the wind would float around my body, streamlining me as I hit things on the way down. Maybe several decks. I don't like the feeling of falling. I wonder what it would be like to have no fear while I fall into water. This is how I broke toes and fractured my foot in real life. I corrected my back pains from that jump. Right into shallow waters. I'm lucky I didn't drown, coming up for air and gasping, unable to fully fill my lungs up. Scaring my friend into horrible nightmares where she saw me gasping- the noise I made. Refocusing, I see a lifeboat. It's tied to a wooden pole with a long rope. It's all sunken. I wonder how deep it really is under there. It's down so far, I wonder if I would ever make it. I don't need the lifeboat. I can swim. I can see that there's nothing down there anyhow. Just water and the sunken boat tied to the pole by a woven rope. Covered in algae. The bottom is covered in dark algae as well. I look up and admire the landscape. It's a pretty day. The sky is a nice blue and the clouds look happy. The trees are solid, forming a barrier from anything that isn't sky or water. I take in a small sip of air, realizing I'm not scared at all. I don't need to jump. Is this the part where I get better at flying? I tried it a few times. I hated it. I was too scared and fell instead. I couldn't withstand the thought of enjoying my surroundings. I just sunk down like an anvil and woke up feeling as if I fell face first into bed. I blinked. My eyes keep feeling this way. Like there's a lens over the right eye. Something cloudy. I check the time. Nothing notable. 2:39AM I put my phone back down and look up at the ceiling. I don't see much. It's pretty dark outside. I rub my eyes and turn back over. I don't know why this week I have been sleeping on my back. It's a strange sensation. Waking up feeling like I had never moved at all, but my body isn't where I had laid it. It happens in the strangest of times.
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