I saw it. I saw something. Something I haven't seen in awhile in a stranger. The familiarity that I see in my own reflection. The softness around the edges. The innocence, but also depth. Warm honey and soft pillows. A glitter of gold and wisdom. I wonder if it feels the same to him. Did he see the same familiarity reflecting back? He hesitated. I saw it. Someone else laughed. He looked away and walked out quickly. She said, I thought he was going to say something. He didn't? It felt like something linked. Hooks that caught each other. I saw it a few times. I see his reflection in the glass. I see him watching me. I glance away before he can tell. Sometimes, neither of us are quick enough. He speaks quietly and I keep having to ask him to repeat it. I get closer, I lean in, waiting for words. It's like there is a static around his words, but as I approach, I suddenly no longer understand English. I thought a few days ago, he speaks loud enough for others. Why is he so quiet with me? Is it an excuse to draw me closer? I wondered today and I pushed the boundary. I got closer. He had room to back up, but he didn't. He didn't lean or tremble. He had a guard up. Not a bad one. One that he reserves for people all the time. The one that shows there is a him and a me and there is no me knowing him because he doesn't let anyone know. I can't help that I read him anyway. I felt skiddish suddenly. Why is it like looking into a Disney fawn with flecks of gold when you look at me? I couldn't tell what he was trying to say. I finally understood. The words were jibberish at first. Fuck. It has been awhile since I had an actual crush on someone. Maybe little ones here and there. But, this is a different link. The kind that happens with chemistry. It's as if there was a path that lead us both here. Not just some happenstance feeling. The ones where you know there's a reason that you are drawn to each other. But, neither can explain. I realized as he was leaving that I haven't been inspired to draw lately, but suddenly, I found myself drawing a pair of scissors. At least I stopped drawing people's hair. I feel as though it was almost recognizable a few times. Other times, I was glad that it didn't look like anyone at all. I kept drawing people I was fond of and it made me feel weird. A reminder that I am just a stranger, here, just as I always am. A wallflower. Forever observing. Until I see someone observing back. Suddenly, I'm singing and I forget where I am.
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