Lemon Glow

 It's white. It's so bright. It's all white. There's shades of white light everywhere. I think of the light, first thing in the morning. I see the glint of gold, the ring around the edges. I flick my eyelashes up and I see beauty. I blink. I wasn't sure it was me. But, I am there. That is me looking at my face. I wonder sometimes how I get so deep in thought that I forget my face exists. I forget that I am here. I forget that people can see my thoughts written on my face. I like that I don't know what my face looks like. I feel like I'm looking at a beautiful stranger. Someone who feels it all. I am deep in thought. I look back down and I realize, I think he's afraid of change. His face was slightly pained, but mostly inquisitive. He told me with all his might, almost silent. "Remember the mirror we had in here? The old one? I miss that one." I made a face. I saw it in the mirror. Something strange and sour.  A thought that had never lived here. I miss the old mirror. I've been slowly replacing things. Feelings. Memories. I've been packing them up into little envelopes. Hitting enter on the keyboard. Packaging it all away to ship off into the distance. Something that I can just pull from my forehead, down through my fingertips. Electricity racing through my frontal lobe. Thousands of pixels forming shapes. Waiting in envelopes. Bright white envelopes. Sealed away until I can stand it. Stand to read it. Until I want to feel it again. Until I want to cry about it all over again and again. Until I want to be stuck on a feeling. I look back up again. Up into my eyes. A stranger. I don't live here. I don't know who this is. She is different. I like her better though. She's more sure of herself. Prettier. A classic beauty. There's a glow about her. A nice warm glow. It's more than I ever intended for myself. I just didn't want to be stuck anymore. I just didn't want to be no one. I just didn't want to fade away and be forgotten. I don't remember things like that anymore. She is gone. She has gone. I couldn't tell you when she officially left. It's like I'm a brand new person. I grew up. I grew up and came alive. It's all I ever want for him. To understand. To let go of it all. To pack it up into little envelopes and set it ablaze. Make paper airplanes and ship them off a cliff. Forget about the feelings that you got stuck on, bud. Because, you are going to be different, too. It'll be better. And I hope you don't miss him, too. I hope you get to the point where you realize what I have realized. That these are all just parts of a whole. You focus too much on one hole. Forgetting all the places you've filled in.