Wumpa Fruit

 Oh.

I didn't know it.

I knew it.

But.

I don't know.

I knew it. I felt it. It was in my gut. I had this story that went off in my mind and I started to believe it based on nothing and then I was just. Sad. In pain. Then I just went on. I tried. I did. I really truly did. I kept up my happy. 

But.

Then I just didn't. Things got complicated. Things got jumbled. I learned lessons. I realized what they were. I saw them. I saw through the games. I saw the dangerous, complicated games. Oh. This. That thing that has happened to me before. I bet most people don't fall for this shit. I did. I do. All the time. Dammit.

But.

Then I was just feeling sad. Rejected. I just feel like how many times this week can I get rejected? How many ways??? Oh. Wow. Oh. That story. That wasn't a story. It was true. It was real. I was right. That hand on your leg. You motherfucking asshole. I really was just someone to help you get by until the next thing came along. That was my job. I was just a cardboard figure. Someone to fuck and talk to for hours everyday on the phone. I just remembered that I started school a few months after I unfriended you. Because I suddenly had hours of time to myself. So thank you. 

Thanks for that.

I actually started loving myself at some point. I was like, girl. You got it. This is it. Put on those pants. Fuck it if you have rolls. Fuck it if you want another cupcake. Just like. Do whatever you want. Because fuck everyone else. I want it. I can do what I want. I'm a damn adult. And for some reason dudes think I'm hot(?) I dunno. I don't get it. But it doesn't matter. Because, I actually like myself. So. Think I'm ugly or hot. I don't fucking care. I'm not your cup of tea or I'm the best peach. Love tea? Hate peaches? I still don't care. Because I am here in my own body. Living life. Making moves. Making all the moves. Tea is great. Peaches are the fucking best. And I've heard great feedback. Thanks. Thanks for that.

No. 

No. No, I do not have time for that. No, I'm sorry. I really don't. Try me. Just kidding, fuck off. I really don't. I can say no. I can walk away. Fuck your feelings. Bye. Neeeeeext

Today. Today I was telling myself this morning, You know.... you don't have to change a thing. You are worthy. Right now. You could get it. If they want you. You can get it. Anything. If it's meant for you. Go get it. Then I think I asked someone out. I don't know. I really don't know what happened. My mouth just made the words and then shit got fucked up and then I was like, I can't tell if I just asked someone out. Did he say yes though? Fuck. Now, I am not sure. I might hide forever. I'll just avoid eye contact with him forever. Why does he keep looking at me though. And giving me eye contact. Dammit. I'm a sucker for brown eyes with those gold flecks. WHY IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD... ya know what. Nevermind.

Things are just always complicated. But, here it is. LADY, HERE IT IS. You are worthy.

sorry. maybe you didn't hear me because I didn't say it enough or loud enough before because there's always other shit going on and I let little things get in the way or I just feel like a loser or I need to be more in shape or something. stand up tall. you slouch and you should give yourself more credit and also sleep more and eat more vegetables and like, get up earlier and put more effort into shit and do it faster and take some vitamins because I think you are a little anemic so maybe you'll have more energy and you can fight for everything. like yourself. fight for you, what the hell are you doing with all this side shit? FIGHT FOR YOU! *clears throat*

I said, YOU ARE WORTHY.

Right now.

So, go get it.