A current that flows so wild that it becomes predictable, but only temporary. Only if you don't think about it. Just go. Just go. Just go. It sucks me in and I let it, I go with it. I allow the tide to whip me. Just when I think that it is the end for me. Just when I think that there is nothing left of my hollow shell, there's nothing left to give, nothing left to take, just the current. Just the water pulling me. Guiding me. Rock me gently into the chaos. Into the storm. I float. I reach my arms and feet wide, like a starfish. I stare up at the ceiling. At the abyss. The infinite. The expanse that is before me. I can hear the lapping against my body. The taste of salt rests on my tongue in spurts. I blink away the salt. I blink away the abyss. The waves. I blink it all away. I could let the air out. I could let all the air out. I could sink, just let it take me. It threatens me playfully, like I'm a toy. I huff it out. I feel like a balloon. The air leaves me in a steady breeze and I let it. I let the water rush over my eyes and the sea dips me under. I lay in nothingness. Watching nothingness. Sinking into the nothingness. Time doesn't exist. Space doesn't exist. I am just a bag of meat and carbon. Steadily falling down. Sinking. But, the air is still in my lungs. I resurface by the tide. I get flipped sideways and gasp as the waves flip my body just so. I suck in air before I smack the water again. Again. Again. Again. I can't recover. I get a hint of solitude. From the brief air or the thought of giving up. Hope or prayer? Lust or cowardice? Gone. There's just the will. The willingness to keep floating in the chaos. To keep trying even if I have nothing left to try. I see it again and again and again. The things I want. Just out of reach. Just out of bounds. I can give up. I can just decide I wasn't meant for that life. I am what I am. I deserve what I get. I just... don't... ...I don't believe that. I was made for more. I was born for more. To be hard and soft. To be loved and love. To do. To do grand things. Even if it's only to a small amount of people. I was meant... I was meant to keep going. To stop fighting the current. But not only that; to use it to my advantage. Catch the pockets of air and let the blood pump through me. Just so I can keep other's going, too. To find my purpose. To help the flow. The flow of it all. Thats how. Thats how I breath in the darkness. I breathe deeper. I let it consume me. So that it powers me. So that I can live.
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