Animals

I think about him and I just wait and I take it. I take it all. All that comes my way. I wish that things were different. I wish things were just different. I don't know. I really don't know. I think things are obvious. I see them and I mentioned it and it was true and I knew it. But, I see other things, too. I hope that some are true. I'm happy and disappointed that some aren't true. I can just keep going. I can keep evolving. I can just hope that someday that someone I like reaches out to me. But they don't. I just keep getting really horrible people reaching back at me. Unwanted people. Fucking horrible people. Ew.  

It got brought up. There's feelings here. There's feelings and no one knows where to put them. I dunno. Put them into your husband. There's feelings here. I dunno. I'll put mine no where because no one is breaking up with your girlfriend. Go ahead and unbutton your pants and wait for those feelings to make you feel better. I just. I just.... I just. I'm gonna put these feelings back into myself. Back into nowhere. To nothing. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't fucking matter. Anytime someone likes me, I like someone else, and they are not interested. I don't want this shit anymore, man. I just don't. 

It's not boring. It's a constant stream of good things. I just love it. I love it all. I enjoy the banter. I enjoy the distraction. I'm just waiting though. I'm just waiting. It's horrible. Nothingness. Just life. It's just fucking life. Some days are better than others. It's just fucking life. The cruelty that is life. Its raw and real and it's life. I want to just burst at the seams with tears. To just cry for my past self. The woman who just fucking took it. Everything. Every piece of shit asshole that came along and just inserted themselves into my path and decided they live here now. Without a warning. Without an invitation. Without anything. They just live here now. They trampled my garden and act like they own the fucking place and THEY DON'T. No one invited you to my island.

There's a party in my head, and you weren't fucking invited.